Friday, November 13, 2009
Thinking about the possibility of moving Dad is stressful for many reasons. I think the only thing NOT stressful about it is the same thing that stressed me out the first time I moved him; whether he would get really angry or refuse to stay. I think we're pretty much past that point. What might happen, though, is that a new environment after four years would throw him completely and irretrievably off balance. After all, the facility is his home, regardless of how much he hates it there. Would the benefits of moving outweigh the drawbacks? And will the debate even matter if the situation gets worse. The director of his facility has already told me that they have resources and places they can send me if Dad gets too violent for them to handle; although I know they like him and will keep him as long as they can. It wasn't a threat, exactly, but it was a heads-up. Given Dad's manifesto of 'staying in control' I wonder just how much repressed anger and emotion is in him, considering how much is coming out now. Or is it just anger about what's happening in the present; bitterness at the indignity and loss of control. I don't suppose I will ever really know.