Seeing the Truth

"I still needed him to be my parent. He was the last one I had and I was not ready to let go of that. I was completely unprepared to parent him. I was so angry with him, it felt as if he was escaping from his life, escaping from responsibility, and I was going to be forced to care for a man who had not cared for me at the times when I most needed it. I was bitter at the thought that I would be required to use my limited energy and time, perhaps exacerbate my chronic illness, to look after this evasive, exhausting man who wouldn’t even acknowledge that there was a problem. I was not yet ready to switch roles.
At the same time, it broke my heart to see the conditions in which he was living, and to see his genuine dismay and horror when he saw what was happening. How could you realize that your father was living on bread sandwiches cookies and pop every day and not be sad? I wanted things to be better for him, but I couldn’t see how to do it without giving up myself."