Holidaze.

Mother's Day is coming up and anytime one of these family-oriented holidays comes up it makes me think. My Mother has been dead for twenty-two years now, so its been that long since I've had to think about a nice event or good gift or pretty card for her. I've had other lovely women who have semi-filled that role for me so over the years I've sent things or called or done something to acknowledge them - but its different not to be able to do it for your own Mother. And I miss that around this time of year, but how I feel and respond is pretty straightforward - she's gone, there's nothing to celebrate anymore.

My Father, of course, has no idea when these holidays come around or what they mean anymore. When we were growing up, we made something my Mother called a 'Daddy's Day Book', basically a scrapbook with pictures and all of our accomplishments throughout the year. I found them all tucked away when I cleaned out the house, and it was both good and hard to look through them and remember my Mom's creativity and our delight in making something for Dad. I think about those books every time June and Father's Day rolls around.

It's gotten so I don't really even bother to do acknowledge it with him. Maybe I should, I don't know. In many ways it feels like he's as gone as my Mom, so there's really no point. But it still makes me think, it still makes me remember. I look at all the people I know or follow on Facebook who have a loved one with dementia and I see their day to day struggles. I wonder how they feel each time a 'Parent' day comes on the calendar and whether they bother to still acknowledge it. I guess its a personal choice but one that people who have never experienced this disease in their family have any concept of. I hope they never have to.