Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Would they be proud?

This last weekend was full of excitement about my book coming out, how it looked, how to begin marketing, etc. This project has been in the works, from writing it to publishing it, for about four years. Then my fiance asked me whether I thought my parents would be proud of me for writing and publishing a book, and I had to stop and think for a moment.

It's been so long since my mother was alive that I no longer really know how she would think or feel now. I think that at one time, she nurtured dreams of writing a book, herself. I suspect if she thought anybody would write a book, it would be my sister! She has always been known as the writer of the family. I have to think she would be proud of me, though, for having set out to achieve something and finishing it. What's interesting about all of this, though, is that if she had remained alive, all of the things I've written about probably wouldn't have happened.

I've often thought that the reason my Dad's brain and consciousness started to deteriorate was due to her early death. He began to develop symptoms about six years after her death and it slowly progressed from there. They were pretty much each other's social circle, largely keeping to themselves, without too much interaction with friends. It begs the question, if she had remained alive, would Dad have developed dementia at all? Or if he had, what path would it have followed? There are events in , too, that are intertwined with my father's, that I suspect wouldn't have occurred, either.
It's just interesting, and a little sad to ponder what would have happened if Dad had still developed dementia, but my mother had been there to care for him, and not me.

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