Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Staying here.

As I posted a few months ago, I got engaged in January and am very excited to get married. As people who are soon to completely share their lives must do, we've talked about what we want to do and achieve, where we want to live, what our dreams are-all that stuff. Luckily, our dreams for the future coiincide in many ways. The one place they didn't, however, was the possibility of having to move in order to help my fiance achieve a long-time dream.

He wants to get an advanced degree in his field of interest, which is unique enough that there are few colleges that offer it. Before he met me, his intention had been to get accepted to a college on the east coast, move there, and start a new life. We have talked about the possibility of moving in order for him to achieve this, and I would be willing to do it, even though I don't really want to leave the area. The problem is, my father, and who would do what I do for him?

I year or so ago, I would have had no problem leaving but now Dad's health has become so fragile, that it appears he needs a family member in addition to his caregiver. I knew this would be a long-term job when I took it on, however, I didn't really expect to get married and possibly have to move. In all our conversations, my fiance and I both agree that this is a big issue and a big deterrent to moving. The last thing I want is for my father to be responsible for us not living our lives and my fiance achieving his dreams-I would really resent my Dad then!

It appears that we have some other options now to achieve what we both want to achieve, and the possibility of moving has become more remote. But it still remains in the back of my mind. The one huge reason why there are certain things I can't do, at least until Dad is no longer with us, and I have to admit I feel a certain resentment about it.

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