Sunday, November 21, 2010

Personal Post

I've just received a call from Dad's main caregiver. Its Sunday night. Why do I always receive these calls on a Sunday night, or just before a major appointment, or just before a trip, as is the case tonight? He told me that Dad has another painful boil on his other side now and that he really should go see the doctor and could I get him in as soon as possible? I really don't know if I'll be able to get him in as its Sunday night and his doctor is usually pretty busy. I'm also leaving for the holiday on Tuesday, so something needs to be done or decided tomorrow.
It's not that I want Dad to suffer or be uncomfortable, but I just get so irritated that these things always manage to happen at the worst times. I also get irritated at the fact that it seems to be Dad's unconscious mission to make his illness as difficult and filled with weird and uncomfortable events as possible. Which I suppose is a selfish thought, but I long ago decided every thought I had, selfish or otherwise, was okay to have, as long as they weren't acted on.
You have to give yourself permission to be angry at your loved one, disappointed and irritated and all the other negative emotions. It's acceptable, it's okay. Thats what I tell everyone who comes to me in this situation. Otherwise, you're just going to drive yourself crazy with guilt and self-loathing. This is a tough situation to be in, and I think every emotion you're going to have is okay.

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