Part III

I ended up calling the employer of our aide and explaining the situation, asking that he not visit until the situation had been resolved. They were great, and when they called him into a meeting, he admitted to some wrongdoing, but he also accused the house of not taking care of Dad as well if he wasn't there, etc., etc. He eventually called me and explained his side of the story, apologizing, but also going into a diatribe about Adult Family Homes and how they had lied about him somewhat. I told him how much we appreciated him, that I was sure the truth was somewhere in the middle, and that eventually he would be allowed to see Dad again. I believe he was somewhat mollified. And the owner of the AFH gets complete control of Dad now, in a good way, but in exactly the way I suspect he wanted. I'll keep letting him think that and only rattle his cage occasionally. Its just amazing to me the twists and turns this whole process has taken, and the drama that still surrounds my father, demented and ill as he is.

Part II.

I sat there at the table for a bit, listening to the owner expound upon our aide's wrongdoing and the ways in which it had disrupted the house, etc., etc. He's a strong-willed man, an immigrant from a Communist country (yet again, other cultures taking care of our elderly!), and while being a lovely man, is forthright and likes things to go his way. When I deal with him, I have to use what my boyfriend, Paul, calls my "Big Girl Voice" in order to make sure he doesn't walk all over me! I soothed him, telling him that, of course, I'd be dealing with the problem and calling our aide's employer to discuss the problem with them, but that our aide wouldn't be coming to the house until we'd figured out the situation. This seemed to go a fair way toward soothing the owner, but every time I suggested that we might have the aide, who is, after all, almost like a brother to Dad, it sparked yet another discussion about how well they tried to take care of Dad and how they relied on their good reputation, etc., etc. I sensed I was being played, so I said firmly how much I relied on their care and judgement, how secure I felt having Dad in their hands, and how I trusted them, but that I would be making any final decisions about who came to see Dad, as long as it didn't interfere with how their house operated.

The case of the disappearing aide.

I received a phone call from the owner of the Adult Family Home. Ostensibly, the call was to ask me to visit so I could sign a document. However, it soon became obvious that there was another reason; he wanted to complain about Dad's long-time friend/aide. Apparently, the aide had been coming almost every day, as he was scheduled, however, he was often going directly into Dad's room and napping for most of the day. He was not taking Dad out on little trips nearly as often as he reported, and the owner felt he was causing a mild disruption in the house. He also mentioned that the families of other residents, and specifically one woman who visited her husband every other day, were bugging him to do something about it, or at least to inform me. I have to admit, I was a little shocked and speechless. Dad's aide has been with us from the beginning, almost eight years, and I didn't know who to believe in this!