Monthly Mood Swings.

Dad's mood swings never fail to amaze me. And they're not hourly or daily mood swings that I see, although I'm sure he has them. They are kind of monthly mood swings. For a while there he seemed really cranky every time I visited. He would look at me sideways, from under his bushy brows, and I would feel the definite message of, "Don't touch me or try to be nice to me because I'm just not having it!" So I would try to walk quietly and not irritate him.

Lately, though, he's been much more approachable, when he's not dozing. I went to see him yesterday and he was snoozing lightly, so I sat on the bed, figuring I'd just hang out. Then his eyes opened and he stretched a little bit. I waited to see if he was going to go back to sleep but he stayed awake so I decided to let him know I was there.

Another thing he's doing lately is not really looking out, or up. He focuses down to the ground and you really have to work to make him move his eyes up. I braced myself on his chair arms, tilted my head way over so that my hair was swinging, and finally managed to catch his eye. I'm sure I looked silly, which was confirmed when he really focused on me and gave a very faint version of the sarcastic eyebrow lift/smirk that he does when he finds something funny, like the caregiver he likes going forehead to forehead with him.

I slowly tilted my head back, holding his eyes with mine, and crouching down a little so he was looking straight at me, and I smiled big and said, "Hi, Dad, it's good to see you!" He gave me the sweetest, big smile and said, "Good!", which seems to be his multi-purpose word - along with a little chuckle. I have to say - even though I've emotionally moved some ways away from him as my father - it gave my heart a little jolt. It was nice to see him look at me with friendliness.

I spent the rest of the visit crouched next to his chair, reading Walden to him; something he seemed to enjoy, although he gave me puzzled looks sometimes, as if to say, "What are you doing down there?" It was nice to be next to him for a while and I crept out quietly when he dozed off again. I don't know what his next monthly mood swing will be - perhaps we'll get back to moodiness - but I'll enjoy the friendliness while I can.