Wednesday, April 25, 2012

What's Really Going On In There?

A big WELCOME to all my new followers-please feel free to comment on anything or tell me your story!

We went over to visit Dad yesterday just to see how he was doing and I wanted Paul to meet the couple that were recently hired on as caregivers, just to see what he thought of them. We came in to the kitchen and did all of the introductions. They both seem very nice and competent-apparently they came here from Las Vegas in hopes of living somewhere with a somewhat functioning economy, Las Vegas having yet to recover from the recession. Since we'd had such good weather over the weekend, I asked if Dad had been outside at all, and they were very effusive, telling me that, yes, he'd been for several walks around the property and had sat outside for a bit.

The last time I was there visiting Dad, I could tell that the woman caregiver thought it was odd that I was just sitting quietly with Dad instead of trying to engage him. I explained that neither of us were big talkers, even when he had been more lucid, and that I just enjoyed sitting with him. She seemed to understand this, exclaiming that he seemed to listen very intently in group situations, even though he didn't say much. Talking to her yesterday, she recounted how she had gotten a response from Dad after telling him I was such a gorgeous daughter, and it was obvious I had gotten my good looks from him. Apparently, he laughed at this.

Which just adds to my wondering, exactly how much does he understand? I maintain that there's more going on in that head then he lets on or that other people realize. When he does respond verbally, he tends to say the appropriate word response to what's been said. Maybe some part of his brain recognizes a question as a question, regardless of content, and has a few stock, memorized responses ready to go. I just don't know; I don't even know if he really recognizes me any more, which is hard. I imagine his mental landscape is pretty foggy and dark-I certainly hope its not unpleasant, and I don't think he realizes anymore the horrible thing that's happened to him. No one can really know what goes on in the mind of our loved ones with dementia. I guess all we can do is just keep holding on to the little bit of them that we still see.


  1. Just found your blog :)
    I had to empty out my parents home of 30yr.
    Then a few apartments my mother lived in, then my father's.
    Both hoarders.
    Caring for my mother with alzheimers for, geez eight years?
    She lives down the hall from me now.
    nice to meet you.

    1. I'm so glad you stopped by! The hoarding and cleaning is a bitch isn't it. It sounds like you've done a lot for your loved ones, but I hope you've had time for yourself as well. Please come by and comment again. Joy