Visiting Before the Wedding.

We'll be leaving in the next few days for our wedding, and I felt a need to visit with the one parent I have left, even though he's no longer really present in the world. When I got to his home, he was snoozing in his chair, so I sat with him for a bit, quietly. I noticed that his face seemed even more pale, his eyes a little sunken, with dark circles. It was almost, but not quite, as if I could see his skull through his skin. He just looked more frail in general, and I wonder if he'll make it through the coming winter.

When he woke up, I knelt by his chair and looked him in the face. He seemed a little startled at first, and once again, I was pretty sure he didn't know who I was. It was nice to kneel there and talk to him while he watched my face, his eyes wandering periodically to stare down the hallway. On the whole, he seemed pretty alert, even responding to a few things I said with a, "Oh, that's good.", or, "That's nice". I think these have become stock phrases for him when he senses people might want a response, although I'm fairly certain he hasn't understood what's been said to him.

I told him about the wedding and my fiance, about our classic car, which had recently thrown a belt, about the weather and life in general. I promised we would visit him when we got back and bring him wedding pictures to see. It was just nice to see his blue eyes somewhat engaged again, his face even a little bit animated. It was almost like having a conversation! But most of all, it just felt right to spend some time with my Father before my wedding; to be with him. There is no more wisdom he can impart, no fatherly advice or counsel, but he's still my Dad, and it was nice to get even a semblance of a blessing for an event so important-an event that he'll never know took place.