Sunday, March 6, 2011

Enough is enough.

According to his caregiver, Dad is doing well. It's going slow and they're taking it day by day but his immune system is definitely taking longer to heal him than it used to. He has a follow up appointment to the surgery in a few weeks but I've decided to cancel all other doctor appointments, at least for now. I feel like he's just had enough poking and prodding in his personal areas for a while.

When they were preparing Dad for surgery, I could see in his face how puzzled he was to have all these people around him, doing things to him. But he seemed prepared to be patient and put up with it. But when he was in recovery, he seemed wholly miserable. After several hours of him lying in the hospital bed, not seeming to pull out of the anesthesia, we tried to get him walking around to see if we could get him to wake up and get going. It took his caregiver and the nurse to walk him around, and they had to manhandle him out of bed and around the recovery room. Watching the expressions on his face, I could see the anger and disgust at what was being done to him. I decided right then that it was time to take a break from the doctors.

He was supposed to go to the urologist to see if there's any physical reason(other than the dementia, of course) but I think that can wait for now. Personally, I think he's incontinent just because he's given up. But, its not urgent and I think we can decide later if we want to take him to get checked out. I continue to remember that if he was lucid, he would never have done any of the procedures he's had lately. His religious beliefs would have meant ignoring any symptoms and trying to heal himself through prayer. He would never even have gone to the doctor.

So for now, I'm going to try my hardest to respect beliefs that he adhered to all his life, and that he would continue to adhere to if he were able. I'm going to respect beliefs that I think are completely wrong and that lead to a lot of personal pain and suffering because I think its the right thing to do for his peace of mind and for mine.

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